“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
― Lao Tzu

 

pure joy
How could I wish Mini to continue emanating pure joy, when I wasn’t doing the same?

 

I have rarely felt peace this past 10 years; I’m turning 32 this June. This last decade, I was too busy living in the future or in the past. When I slowed down and looked around me, I was shocked to find how pleasant and amazing the now could be.

 

Recently, I arrived at a heart-wrenching decision to live separately from my partner of 10 years. He is a good-hearted man. I love him. I’ve worked really hard to love, serve, and collaborate with him for my daughter’s sake and for my own idealism. I met him at 22 and have always wanted to grow old with the singular man for the rest of my life.

 

However, I finally had to acknowledge that I could not force our relationship into a functional and nurturing one, at least not in our current living arrangement. We are not making each other better people. I looked at my life, closely for once. I realized I was miserable.

 

I’ve changed, so gradually over the last decade that it was imperceptible to the un-reflective and numb me.

 

I used to cook up a storm and invite 20+ girl friends over for dinner in my college apartment (much smaller than my current home, though it felt plenty spacious for my gregarious social life.) I used to laugh and giggle about the smallest things. I used to swim backstroke while singing Pocahontas’ Colors of the Wind.

 

I used to praise more and criticize less; sing more and yell less; love more and fear less; smile more and frown less; admire more and envy less.

 

I used to like who I was. Realizing the contrast between my glorious distant past and my recent past is depressing.

 

So I chose to take action. Now. Today.

 

As much as it is scary and hurtful to live separately from him, I have to do it. It is by all criteria: logical, emotional, spiritual, the best thing for myself, my daughter, and him.

 

Timing is never good.

 

I chose the toughest year of my professional life to live separately from him. I will be working at the hospital 10 weeks on night calls and 6 24-hour-weekends. I dare not think of the logistical nightmare of finding childcare, trusting someone else with Mini while I’m gone from 7pm-8am, 7 continuous days at a time.

 

But I’m determined. The fear of the unknown future should not stop me from living today.

 

So I’m sticking to my decision.

 

As my sister said, “Unfortunately no matter how much an endeavor makes sense or how worthwhile it is, those merits cannot overcome the pain that might accompany the undertaking.”

 

I have reflected over the pros and cons of separation from my 10-year-partner; the former outweighs the latter by a landslide. But the action of severing from the known, familiar, “safe” habits is still painful and frightening.

 

Yet for the peace I can embrace today, I’m sticking to my decision.

 

Life is too short to live in a future that I dreamed up or

be stuck in the past that I wished I could return to.

 

I am living the life I want. Today.


I will be posting the financial consequences & impacts of living separately from Mini’s dad soon.

Yes, it is a financially costly, as it is opposite of WCI’s mantra “one house, one spouse, one job.”

Yet the intangible & deeply perceived benefits are priceless.

peace

I want to see her eyes of peace & joy again.

I want Mini to laugh without a care for anything around her.

I want Mini to sing & dance upon waking each morning without worrying about disturbing others (exactly what I love doing too.)

If you were in my shoes, wouldn’t these wishes warrant you giving your all?


 

dream home
This is Mini & my dream home, 7 minutes from Mini’s dad. Fingers crossed, final offer submitted 5/6/16.

 

Dear close friends and family members,

Do not worry. This decision is truly for the better.

Mini’s dad is a wonderful man. He just needs different things from what Mini and I need now. Mini and I are gregarious; we enjoy hosting play dates & dinners. Mini’s dad works a lot & cherishes his peace and quiet. All 3 of us think the Mom’s house & Dad’s house set up is beneficial. We get the best of both worlds.  I’m purchasing a home close by, & Mini’s Dad’s buying our current home. We get to spend family time whenever we’d like & also relish different lifestyles in 2 separate physical dwellings 🙂

More happy updates to come!

Love and peace,

DWM & MWM

 


 

  • Have you ever made a seemingly costly decision which you knew was totally worth it?
  • Are you living the life you want today? If so, how did you accomplish so?
  • If you’re not living the life you want today, what is stopping you?
  • Have you ever heard someone, (a miserable partner) said, “we can’t afford to live separately?” Do you think this is a matter of affordability?
Seems Costly, but Definitely Worth It.
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