And it is 100% in my power to resolve the emotional fallout.
Because of someone else’s incompetence and sloppiness, I’ve been made to feel very exposed and vulnerable. They pieced together a statement on my behalf, sharing details about my dad’s care that made me feel uncomfortable and which I found unnecessary. I explicitly stated in my response that the statement was too detailed and personal, and provided a completely reworked version that I felt more at ease with sharing and having represent me. They wrote back “I agree that your re-working serves our purpose better and I used that format in the final version of the statement”, but then, just failed to cut the part I did not want included.
Admittedly I’m rather sensitive about my dad, but this oversight had me crying and shaking in pure rage. This is the most angry I’ve felt in a long time. Yet, how I feel changes nothing. The statement is done and it’s out there to be read by relevant others. What’s more, I’ll have to continue working with this person for for the rest of the process.
Objectively– this poorly edited statement that I’m deeply unhappy with– isn’t going to discernibly, measurably hurt me or my aim here. Truthfully, no one will ever care as much as I do about what transpired. Sometimes we just have to sit with something like that, feel how we feel, and move on.
I have to look beyond this moment, and see that I can’t change the past and what happened have no impact on my future. So all of my anger and frustration centers on this, current, present. I have a responsibility to myself to push forward, out of the negative emotions caused by this incident. What works best for me is to distract myself and redirect my energies toward something positive. This reminds me that 1) I’m still in control, and 2) that I’m powerful enough to create positive emotions. Often these distractions are also a form of investment in myself, so, if nothing else, I did some good and something nice happened to me. Win-win. Here’s a quick list of what usually works:
- blog (lol)
- bullet journal
- change your nail color
- clean one room or area in the house
- pet time (impromptu training, play or a quick brush!)
- put on a face mask
- take a bath
I’m sure there are many others that take just 2, 5 or 15 minutes and can make all the difference. I always love to find out about and try new things. Meantime, here’s a lovely line from the book I’m reading now:
“She said there is a reason why the world is round. Beauty will rule the world. Justice will rule the world.” – The Famished Road by Ben Okri.
This book has palm wine, spirit children and witchcraft. It also has plenty of poverty, oppression and violence. The Famished Road is a phantasmagoric, wondrous tale that effortlessly traverse the magical, the real, and the utterly absurd. I highly recommend it!