For many years, I bucket-list-ed completing a 10-day silent Vipassana retreat. Why? Because I wanted to get to know myself in the truest sense. I hold a proclivity for self-avoidance, and felt the need to find the root of my anxiety, chronic guilt, impulsiveness, indecisiveness, and a need to keep busy with a million things in order to be ‘satisfied.’ I believed a retreat, where just me, my ego, and potentially the dark night of my soul could get together for an overdue intervention.
Being alone for 10 days in silence simultaneously excited and scared the shit out of me. Hence why I chickened out twice before and gave up my spot to someone I thought would be a more worthy goer. No regrets, as I was simply not ready at the time. After taking the time off from work, I finally convinced myself that there was no more avoiding. I just had to do it.
In mentally preparing myself, I spoke to friends who had completed the course, read tons of blogs, read the book 10% Happier (as per a friends’ recommendation), all in preparation for this epic journey I was undertaking. I bought a special meditation chair so that I would be as comfortable as possible in my discomfort, but nothing could really prepare me for what I would endure over the next 12 days.
Keep in mind, this journal may seem a bit disjointed due to the fact that it is in indeed journal format, straight from my diary… Er, memory.
I hope you enjoy reading about my journey, as much as I enjoyed experiencing it.
Intro to Dhammaland – The Happiest Place on Earth: A 12-day Journal of my Vipassana Silent Meditation Retreat Experience