Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and for the first time in 3 years it’s not falling on or right before the anniversary of Amanda’s death. I think we all of us left are thankful for getting that break. This past year I’ve been lucky to have a lot for which I’m thankful.

  1. I’m thankful I became a citizen, despite having major issues with my lawyer in the process.
  2. As result of naturalizing, I was able to vote for the first time in my adult life, and for that I’m thankful.
  3. A few months ago, my beloved dog nephew Zai passed away. But I’m thankful for the time we got to spend together this year, and all the years prior.
  4. On the 3 year anniversary of Amanda’s death, I took my parents to visit her. I’m thankful that I have the resources to accomplish that.
  5. Later today I have therapy, and I’m thankful that I have an open and safe space in which to sort through my emotions and emerge stronger and more ready.
  6. I took my QPR training, and I’ve been on my own connecting with individuals online who professed severe depression and/or suicidal ideation. I’m thankful for their presence and their words. I don’t take for granted that they’re willing to communicate with a stranger who just wants to help. I’m thankful for the opportunity to speak of my sister and my dad, for the chance to remember her, and have hope that his recovery can inspire others.
  7. I’m the most thankful that I married my best friend and the love of my life. I’m thankful my parents are healthy and were able to walk me down the aisle. I’m thankful Mini has blossomed into such a bright young lady who I was proud to have at my side. I’m thankful for all the work my cousin and my mom put in to creating our parting gifts. I’m thankful for my dad and Mini’s speeches, for the love evident in them, and because the speeches showed me how far they’d come in their respective journeys.

When I wrote my two year review, I still felt far behind where I wanted to be. I was stressed that I would never be able to do enough. I’m so, so thankful that today, I’m past that. I’m in therapy proactively, not because I was thrust into grief and loss and didn’t know what to do. A year ago I felt like I had to keep moving and working to keep my head above the tumultuous waters of Amanda’s suicide (meaning, all facets from the physical, tangible loss of her, to the emotions it created in other people I loved, and how it made me feel). At that point, I had spent two years feeling so pressured. Some time in the last year I got through and ahead. Now I’m spending my time and energy pursuing the future I want rather than trying to outrun past trauma. I’m thankful to be standing where I am today. I sure am a lucky gal.

Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow, kitty cats.

 

3 Years and Thanksgiving
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