Brush your teeth
Make a plan
Tell people
Accept help
Start sleeping through nights
Participate in a group exercise
Cook for the family
Cook at all
Remember to eat
Tidy up
Wash dishes
Put away clean laundry
at least one drawerful
Reduce waste
Compost
Remember that the heavy hearted feeling
is less
Note the healing of the blister from
your court shoes
Email the lawyer
Make a point out of your silver linings
Take a breath
Look forward
Drink water
Unclench your jaw
Take a deep breath
Take several
Be unoriginal
Reach out to someone you need
Check in on someone who may need you
Go to sleep
Get up
Keep drinking water
Keep breathing
The alcohol prep pad on the floor
(that I picked up then and
which has traveled back home with me)
The box of wound dressing blocking the middle of the TV screen
The throw pillow cover, empty the pillow
on the stained loveseat
The package of cotton balls separated
from the half eaten bag of marshmallows
by a haphazardly placed delivery box
A stack of folded men’s PJs
with its singular neatness
and missing box that would be labeled ‘donations’
Sitting instead on a car seat
just inside the front door
when the kids are 6 and 10
The hopscotch rug
under foot
The empty planter out front
accompanied by the one full with weeds
The picture of absence
is painted by what remains
The hopscotch rug
under foot
The empty planter out front
accompanied by the one full with weeds
The picture of absence
is painted by what remains
I’ve seen her a handful
of times
before
Today
Her outfit intentional
(a little risque?)
(am I simply too long out of that age range)
But I remember the feeling
Her back straightened
as she passes someone certain
schoolmates maybe
Her friend
whose hands flew to cover
much of her own face
beneath the glasses
Just a few steps past
the near encounter
Now separated by a glass window
protected by the increasing distance
and wonder increasing in
the lingering exit
Right in front of
certain hopefully lingering glances
I must be too long out of this age range
I am sat wondering
Did the understanding and feeling of being desired
at a malleable age
wire my brain essentially?
Did feeling loved as a child?
Did feeling discarded?
What work does it take to undo and redo
Did feeling protected?
(which isnt the same as feeling safe)
Did feeling ignored?
(remarkably like the feeling
of being in danger, at times)
The X axis
notions of freedom & independence
(budding)
(too soon)
The Y axis
The ones who were first to give us space
(thus also, shape)
In the intervening years
I’ve remained my keeper
drifting into and away from
responsible stewardship
All of the undoing and redoing unceasing & essential