Holiday Gifting – Ground Rules

I meant to write this post earlier, but as I’ve procrastinated for such a long time we’re now fully living in the “holiday shopping season” so we just have to get basic here. Numbered lists are our friends.

1. Re-gifting is OKAY.

Repurposing a gift is just that: giving a present a new purpose. As long as you give it the same way you would a brand new, just bought present, that is, with greatest possible consideration for how the item fits into the life of the person you’re giving it to, then you’re golden. We should recognize that for all of our trying, often times another person gets it wrong about us, sometimes we even get it wrong about ourselves, and something we or they thought belongs in our lives, really doesn’t. If it fits better with another person, that’s where it ideally should go.

2. No shame in CASH game.

If you have money to spare for someone you know who can truly benefit, why should any party involved feel badly about that? If everyone you know has enough, donate in someone else’s name!

3. Like money, you can spend TIME.

A gift that costs your time is at least just as valid as one that cost your money. “Gift ideas” and “guides” are purely advertisements. There are no advertisements for homemade presents or time spent together doing something fulfilling and meaningful, because if everyone prioritized gifting loved ones our time, companies wouldn’t make money.

 

That’s all I wanted to share, now go and bask in the holiday spirit, squirrel friends.

3 Years and Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and for the first time in 3 years it’s not falling on or right before the anniversary of Amanda’s death. I think we all of us left are thankful for getting that break. This past year I’ve been lucky to have a lot for which I’m thankful.

  1. I’m thankful I became a citizen, despite having major issues with my lawyer in the process.
  2. As result of naturalizing, I was able to vote for the first time in my adult life, and for that I’m thankful.
  3. A few months ago, my beloved dog nephew Zai passed away. But I’m thankful for the time we got to spend together this year, and all the years prior.
  4. On the 3 year anniversary of Amanda’s death, I took my parents to visit her. I’m thankful that I have the resources to accomplish that.
  5. Later today I have therapy, and I’m thankful that I have an open and safe space in which to sort through my emotions and emerge stronger and more ready.
  6. I took my QPR training, and I’ve been on my own connecting with individuals online who professed severe depression and/or suicidal ideation. I’m thankful for their presence and their words. I don’t take for granted that they’re willing to communicate with a stranger who just wants to help. I’m thankful for the opportunity to speak of my sister and my dad, for the chance to remember her, and have hope that his recovery can inspire others.
  7. I’m the most thankful that I married my best friend and the love of my life. I’m thankful my parents are healthy and were able to walk me down the aisle. I’m thankful Mini has blossomed into such a bright young lady who I was proud to have at my side. I’m thankful for all the work my cousin and my mom put in to creating our parting gifts. I’m thankful for my dad and Mini’s speeches, for the love evident in them, and because the speeches showed me how far they’d come in their respective journeys.

When I wrote my two year review, I still felt far behind where I wanted to be. I was stressed that I would never be able to do enough. I’m so, so thankful that today, I’m past that. I’m in therapy proactively, not because I was thrust into grief and loss and didn’t know what to do. A year ago I felt like I had to keep moving and working to keep my head above the tumultuous waters of Amanda’s suicide (meaning, all facets from the physical, tangible loss of her, to the emotions it created in other people I loved, and how it made me feel). At that point, I had spent two years feeling so pressured. Some time in the last year I got through and ahead. Now I’m spending my time and energy pursuing the future I want rather than trying to outrun past trauma. I’m thankful to be standing where I am today. I sure am a lucky gal.

Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow, kitty cats.

 

Good Things, New and Old

Today I’m going back to therapy for the first time since July of last year. I’m really looking forward to it.

*

Recently I thought of an old college schoolmate. When I was 20, I was struggling in a toxic relationship and all aspects of my life suffered. One day, sitting in a large auditorium for a lecture, a fellow classmate walked in, stroller in front. I watched her sit down in the very first row, so centered she could touch the podium as easily as she could reach for her infant. And I felt, relieved, and understood, even though our circumstances were nothing alike. Seeing her, I felt recharged to take on anything, or at least get through class without pouting inwardly.

 

I got to know her better as we shared a few more, smaller classes. I learned that she was pursuing music for a career. Then we fell out of touch as I graduated in the winter apart from everyone and didn’t make any effort to stay in touch. Well, ten years later I suddenly remembered very vividly the young woman who walked into the 300 seat auditorium stroller first. I racked my brain for a name and found her on Instagram. I wrote a short message just letting her know that she’d been an inspiration to me ten years ago, and came into my mind again very recently and brought me a smile. To my surprise she messaged me back, and we chatted briefly. (Towards the beginning she wrote “I’m trying to recall you completely”, which, is such a beautiful phrase that will stay with me for a long time.) Long story short, as I’m traveling to California quite a bit now, I definitely plan to catch her performing live one of these days!

 

I sure am grateful for all the good things, new and old. Happy Wednesday, lovies.

Mini Blog Update: New Icon

Brutus the wall mounted staghorn fern is now the avatar or indeed mascot of this here little thang.

you can see him here in all his blurry glory

 

Years ago when Amanda first started this blog, her chosen icon was this:

 

…which I think summed her up really well. It also packs a ridiculous amount of information that isn’t decipherable in link-icon form. I decided to go with Brutus because two summer ago, Mini helped me wall mount him, and I’ve loved him extra dearly ever since. This is just a little change. I’m still tinkering around to make this a nice, open space for me, for Mini, and perhaps others.

 

Happy Monday, see y’all around.

Poetry Ptuesday: Late October by Maya Angelou

Carefully

the leaves of autumn

sprinkle down the tinny

sound of little dyings

and skies sated

of ruddy sunsets

or roseate dawns

roil ceaselessly in

cobweb greys and turn

to black

for comfort.

 

Only lovers

see the fall

a signal end to endings

a gruffish gesture alerting

those who will not be alarmed

that we begin to stop

in order simply

to begin

again.