Earlier this week I finished Salt Houses, finally. Can y’all believe I started it at the end of March?! Nevertheless, here it is, the final lines:
“The song alights within Alia, a remembering akin to joy. Her mother’s garden, a courtyard somwhere in Kuwait, as she sang to a baby at her own breast. She sits in the dark, listening to the ancient, salvaged music.”
This is made by Dries Van Noten. I’m unfamiliar with the brand. I don’t know if they’re ethical or fair trade or “green”. I don’t even know if they’re comfortable. All I know is I don’t need it.
When will I wear this? The correct answer is “never”. Currently, I have this one pair of pinkish/nude-to-me-ish pumps, plain as can be, with a wooden stacked heel and I’ve started to think of that different-colored heel as distracting and hard to match outfits to. These booties are far too advanced for me.
I frankly enjoy the antique vibes these are sending me, but I can barely dress myself in rags and I don’t need the psychological challenge these would present.
Now this is a bit psychedelic colors meet I don’t even know what kind of embroidery. But obviously I am not this cool, and I’ll never be this cool. 
… and an electric blue sequins 
sequinsed? stiletto pair for good measure.
Happy Thursday y’all, and remember, don’t buy dumb stuff.
I know every month I change things up, but I’m learning that curbing unnecessary spending involves fighting a moving target. When I started spending breakdown for January, I had a problem buying random stuff online I don’t need. It turns out, when you address spending honestly and a pattern of frivolity stares right back in your face, it becomes pretty easy to cut out those types of charges. During my review of purchases the next month, I noticed that I tended to let purchases made on Amazon slide, because I mentally designated them as convenient and useful. I learned I needed to guard against laxness on this front.
So in March, with my online shopping and even buying from Amazon more under control, I looked at every unusual purchase I made. Good or bad, if they’re not in the realm of baseline spending (gas, groceries, and other consumables), I noted the purchase. Even having cast a broader net, I felt that my only truly unnecessary purchase was the one made at a convenience store in the airport.
That made me think though, I don’t just go to convenience stores in airports! Much to my detriment, a Wawa opened near me. Another big convenience store sinkhole for me happens en route to and from NY, where we often travel. I didn’t used to consider these unnecessary purchases, because we always buy drinks and food. Often the purchase constitutes a meal, so it’s easy to justify as necessary. But I know that by planning ahead, I can preempt these types of purchases. While traveling it would save me time on the road, money, and I can make healthier choices by preparing the food myself.
But let’s take a closer look at April first:
April 3 — $166.17 at The Container Store — so y’all remember how I was organizing my arts and crafts cabinets? I found containers that were the perfect size for the cabinets and created an easy filing system so I bought more.
April 5 — $15.67 at Refresh and Co. and $23.29 at Food Court — spent while traveling. I am still deciding what conveniences are worth a premium to me, and since I’m not a fan of rest area food offerings, I shouldn’t be paying that markup.
April 8 — $3.29 at Wawa — I bought an energy drink because I didn’t want to make coffee.
April 10 — $100 at Free Library of Philadelphia — This is my first time donating to them. The problem is I donated because they were offering a free tote bag. That was not a good reason, and even when giving to charity, I should scrutinize my motivations.
April 10 — $19.96 and $11.71 on Amazon.com — I bought reusable straws and Feeling Good: They New Mood Therapy by David Burns for my dad. The book came recommended by someone I admire who also suffers from depression, and I thought my dad might find it useful. I could’ve looked harder for these items in person at places I already go, but 1) I didn’t want to end up buying plastic straws in a pinch and 2) I don’t go to bookstores currently as I’m trying to read what I own.
April 13 — $7.02 at Wawa — energy drinks and snacks breakfast.
April 17 — $12.19 at Wawa — energy drinks and snacks dinner.
April 20 — $45 at MSG Merch — we took my dad to watch boxing. I bought a hoodie I didn’t like, because I was cold and didn’t bring one of my many, many sweaters that I do like.
April 20 — $25.00 and $39.52 on Amazon.com — these were presents for someone’s birthday.
April 22 — $33.16 at Z Market — rest area breakfast for three on the road with my dad.
April 24 — $5.13 at Wawa — energy drink and snacks breakfast.
To sum up, I spent $72.12 at rest stops, which I could have avoided by preparing my own drinks and snacks before trips. I spent $27.63 on 3 meals from a convenience store, whereas I could have eaten better for cheaper by planning ahead. I also spent $45 on clothes due to lack of foresight. These are the main areas I would like to tackle as well as continuing my vigilance against thoughtless online purchases. Overall though, I’m happy that developing the habit of honestly reviewing my purchases is making me a more careful and conscientious consumer.
Until next time, squirrel friends, happy Wednesday!
A day
drunk with the nectar of
slowness
weaves its way between
the years
to find itself at the flophouse
of night
to sleep and be seen
no more.
Will I be less
dead because I wrote this
poem or you more because
you read it
long years hence.
in this story, your mother isn’t the villain.
in this story, you find a way to pick the lock, to wake up, to climb out of the tower yourself.
in this story, you’re angry.
in this story, you meet a dragon and
it is afraid of you.
in this story, you don’t need to be saved.
in this story, your mother raised you
to recognize a prison from a home.
in this story, they don’t fall in love with you before they know you.
in this story, they aren’t better than you.
in this story, you have claws.
in this story, happily ever after has bite marks in it.
in this story, you are free and terrifying.
in this story, you get away.
in this story, you bleed.
in this story, you survive.
You can buy Caitlyn’s book of poems “What We Buried” on Amazon.
PS. I apologize to anyone for whom bringing back Amanda’s picture on the front page is not beneficial for where they are in their grief right now. I just miss her, and her picture belongs here for me. I hope you are all doing okay.